Girl Talk
by green frogs
Summary: Sometimes, the superheroines and femme fatales of Gotham City just need to set their masks, whips and poison gas aside to have a little girl talk about sex, love, and...Batman's underwear.


"Okay so who would you rather do, Joker or Harvey Dent?" Spoiler asked, with a scandalous smirk that no one would expect.

"Harvey," said Poison Ivy at the exact same moment Harley said, "Joker."

"Is neither an option?" Catwoman asked from the side, clearly disgusted with the game that was going on before her. It was certainly odd, and sometimes, when Selina thought about it, shivers went up and down her spine.

"I don't know…Harvey is kind of good looking," Oracle said with a sexy grin that she had picked up from Selina.

"And he's not as psycho as Joker is. He's also tremendous in bed. You never really know what's going to happen," Ivy informs the group.

"That's disgusting," Batgirl said from the side, unsure if this talk was really appropriate for her teenage ears.

"Oh grow up. I thought you were sleeping with what's his same," Black Canary said as she threw a pillow to a surprised Batgirl.

"You're sleeping with someone?" screamed a shocked Huntress.

Cassandra covered her blushing face with the pillow and moaned.

"Who is it?" Oracle asked from behind her laptop.

They made quite a particular sight, sitting in a circle on the carpet of the Birds of Prey headquarters. Pillows, cookies and soda covered the floor among the Gotham girls, along with fashion magazines, nail polish and other beauty products. They looked _normal_, which was hard for a bunch of girls in skintight leather costumes and masks_. _Oracle was messaging Nightwing about mobsters and couldn't help but smile a little at the prospect of the guys of Gotham finding out what was going on. She still couldn't believe that she was sitting in the same room gossiping about Batgirl's proposed boyfriend with Poison Ivy, who was munching on a chocolate chip cookie, and Harley, who was sipping way too many pina coladas.

These gossip sessions started a few years ago, before Barbara was trapped in a wheel chair and the Birds of Prey started. It used to be just Barbara as Batgirl, Selina as Catwoman, Harley and Poison Ivy. They gradually moved from fighting on dark rooftops to gossiping about the Justice League members' underwear and how good was Robin in the sack anyways. They still fought, of course. One does have to keep up appearances and it wasn't as though any of them ever really changed sides. But in a world of men, they all needed some girl friends to chat with and do nails. Who else would understand their world, one of masked vigilantes and thieves? Barbara had to admit, the first couple of sessions were awkward and no one really knew whether they were supposed to be fighting or gossiping. But with practice, they had a tight-nit group going. Oracle didn't want to think what would happen when the guys found out they were interacting as friends.

They would take a night off every couple of weeks from crime fighting or stealing or taking over the world and just talk. It was good. It was relaxing. It was _normal_. They didn't always talk about their masked world either, which surprised Babs the most. She soon found out that Poison Ivy had an unhealthy obsession with George Clooney and Selina was more than a little interested, for someone who wears skintight leather, in dispensing fashion advice. She found that Spoiler liked James Bond movies and Harley Quinn was an avid reader of Jane Austen.

During the working hours though, they were still pummeling the hell out of each other but when gossip time came around, no one ever held any grudges that they were hit with laughing gas or cut with a batarang. It was a very, very weird system and Barbara never knew how it worked out so perfectly. But as the number of female super heroines and criminals streamed into Gotham City, these gossip sessions have become a clandestine tradition.

"I'm not dating anyone!" Batgirl screamed to the room.

"What about that kid? What _was_ his name? You know, the new Robin," Poison Ivy asked.

"She is _not _sleeping with him," cried Spoiler indignantly, sending Ivy glares.

"Yeah, he's _so_ not hot. I have higher standards than Robin," Cassandra joined in.

This caused Spoiler to turn her stare to Cassandra. "He _is_ good looking, and smart, and sweet, and really good in bed."

"Oh my god! _You're _sleeping with him!" yelled Black Canary.

"Yeah, so?" Spoiler asked with a blush.

"I can't believe you guys didn't know this. They've been at it for the last few months. They are always cuddling on some rooftop, _pretending_ to keep watch over Gotham," Catwoman said as she rolled her eyes.

"We _were_ keeping watch!" Spoiler cried, embarrassed that she had been caught out with Tim. Perhaps they _should_ spend less time making out and more time watching out for criminals.

"Oh please! I stole a couple of diamonds right under your noses. He was comparing your eyes to the stars and other corny shit like that," Selina said with a smirk.

"Was that why Batman was so pissed off and told me that I should assign Robin to work with Nightwing and Batgirl to work with Spoiler?" Oracle asked with an amused grin.

Spoiler became tomato red.

"So how is he?" Ivy asked with a smirk.

"Really, really good," Spoiler admitted with another blush.

"That's so cute," Harley chirps.

"So who would you rather do, Nightwing or new Robin?" Huntress asked.

"Robin," Spoiler said.

"Nightwing," said the rest of the group.

"Sorry sweetie, but he's just a kid," Ivy said comfortingly to Spoiler.

"So who would you rather do, Batman or Superman?" asked Catwoman with a smirk.

This took the girls a little longer to think about.

"Superman _is_ hot," said Ivy.

"But so is Batman," Huntress admitted.

"Both have great bodies," Harley added.

"But Superman is the man of steel. I wonder if he's hard all over," Catwoman said with a scandalous grin.

This caused the girls to break into uncontrollable giggles. One thing Oracle knew was that it was going to be tough sitting with a completely serious face at the next JLA meeting.

"Anyone ever had sex with Superman here?" asked Batgirl curiously.

Everyone shook her head in disappointment.

"Not that I haven't tried but he is married," Catwoman said with another naughty grin.

"Who's slept with Batman?" Batgirl asked again. It was a weird question to ask, especially since Batman was more like a paternal figure to everyone in the Bat family.

The room was quiet again.

"Seriously? No one? I thought you guys were all quite promiscuous," Spoiler said, shocked.

"I did make out with Mr. No Personality," Ivy admitted.

"Oh please Pam, you were just trying to get him drugged," Oracle said with a roll of her eyes.

"That doesn't mean it wasn't good," Ivy said with a scandalous grin.

"I slept with him," Catwoman said quietly from the corner. All turns turned to her in shock.

"Seriously?" they asked in unison.

"Yeah, a few times," Catwoman said nonchalantly.

"Well if we're all being honest here, I've kissed him a few times too," Black Canary said.

"Wait! Hold up! I thought you and Green Arrow were pretty tight," Zatanna said.

"We are, but a girl sometimes have to play the field. I love Ollie, but that doesn't mean I can't flirt around a bit, right girls?"

Catcalling and whistles followed. This was turning into The View, Oracle thought.

"You know, of all the people to sleep with Psycho-Bat, I thought you would definitely be one," Catwoman said to Zatanna.

"We're just friends," Zatanna admitted. There was something in her tone that revealed her possible desire for more than friendship.

"Really now?" Huntress asked with a smile.

"By the way, what were those rumors I heard about you and Nightwing," Batgirl asked.

This left the whole room silent and you could cut the tension with a batarang. Only Batgirl sat there, unsure of what she just said and wishing with every fiber of her body to take her words back. Apparently, everyone else knew what was going on and she was left out, like the newcomer to the group or the child no one ever told anything to.

"Babs, get over it," came Catwoman's gentle but firm voice. "It's been like half a year already. He slept with her. End of story. He apologized, you forgave him, and that's it. Let it go already. And Helena, you've got to get it into your head that it was a stupid, meaningless fling, so stop staring daggers into Oracle's head every time they're together. This isn't some soap opera, people. We forgive, forget, and move on to the next guy. Right?"

Cheers followed. Both Oracle and Huntress cracked a smile.

"So are you and Nightwing still dating?" asked Spoiler cautiously.

"I don't know," Oracle said slowly. "Sometimes, it feels as though we're about to move past friendship, and then he sleeps with another floozy. No offense."

"None taken," Huntress said with a smile.

"I have no idea where we're going, and it's weird, you know?"

Everyone nodded sympathetically.

"So where's your romance with Batman going?" Ivy asked Catwoman.

"Ugh let's not even go down that road," Selina said with a groan. "So when are you going to get married?"

Selina had, successfully, changed the subject to something that would occupy the conversation for another twenty minutes as Black Canary talked of her wedding dress, ring, and the ceremony. By the end of it, nobody knew or cared what led to the long description of the embroidered veil being shipped all the way from Paris.

"So how's your love life?" Zatanna asked Harley when Black Canary paused for breathe in a detail by detail description of the guest list.

"It's alright. Joker's locked up at Arkam, though, so I'm just hanging out around the Iceberg until my love breaks out."

"Tell them what's going on," Ivy said.

Everyone looked at Harley and perked up their ears.

"Oh alright. It's nothing really. But this can't ever get out of this room. Do you girls understand?"

Everyone nodded. It was an unspoken rule that nothing said at these meetings is ever discussed outside of the headquarters.

"Well Eddie has been hinting at a date recently," Harley finally said.

"Really?" Batgirl asked.

"Riddler?" Spoiler said with contempt.

"That's weird stuff," Catwoman said.

"Just hinting?" Black Canary asked.

"No sex? That's strange," Huntress commented.

"Tell them the truth Harley," Ivy said from next to her.

"Okay! Well we sort of slept together."

"Sort of?" Oracle asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay we did it in the Iceberg!" Harley shouted. "Damn, you guys are better interrogators than Batman."

"The Iceberg?" Huntress said, clearly disgusted.

"With everyone there?"

"That's kind of gross Harley."

"Tell them everything," Ivy commented again.

"There's _more_?" Spoiler asked.

"Yeah but Batgirl should cover her innocent ears about this part," Ivy said with a grin.

"I'm not telling anymore," Harley said, making the motion of locking her mouth and throwing away the key.

"I'll tell the story," Ivy said, annoyed that her friend was taking forever to get to the point. "So it was after the annual Rogue's Gallery Secret Santa exchange, and apparently, Harley got a little tipsy on the eggnog. You should've known better. The Mad Hatter spikes it with God knows what every year.

"Eddie says he was drunk too but I highly doubt it. He seemed pretty sober and he didn't even ask any stupid questions like he usually does. After the party ended, we all went to Harvey's place for an after party and Penguin was already drunk and asleep upstairs, so Eddie volunteered to lock up. We had no idea that Harley was still in the bathroom. Anyways, they ended up having sex on the Iceberg floor."

"Did he take advantage of you?" Batgirl asked.

"Oh please. She's been horny ever since Joker got locked up a couple of months ago and she needed sex desperately."

"Shut up Ivy!" Harley moaned from the pillow she had covered her face with.

"That's not even the worst part. Scarecrow and I realized that it's taking forever for Eddie and Harley to come to the after party. Harvey cracked some joke that they were sleeping together just as Joker walked in the door and announces he broke out of Arkam. Of course, he hears the stupid joke and gets pissed mad. I don't really know why since he's never cared a straw about Harley anyways and always beats her up."

"He doesn't beat me up," Harley said, sticking up for her love til the end.

"Oh we've been over the abuse thing millions of times. Continue with the story," Huntress said enthusiastically. This was way better than the soap operas on television.

"Anyways, he gets mad that Riddler is with his girl, though none of us have proof. So all of us heads back down to the Iceberg and we find Harley and Eddie going at it right on the floor. Harvey took pictures, if any of you wants some," Ivy said with a smile.

"No thanks," Catwoman said, recoiling in horror at just the mental image. A real picture would probably make her want to claw her brains out.

"We're all pretty shocked. I mean we all knew Riddler had a thing for Harley, but we never thought she was going to cheat on her boo," Ivy said.

"You don't know what it was like!" Harley said accusingly at Ivy. "It's been really difficult, and a girl has needs. I couldn't wait anymore. I really needed sex and Riddler wasn't all that bad. He had some really good moves, and some really creative angles."

It was at this moment that Batgirl got up and walked out of the room before anymore of her innocent mind was corrupted by these horror stories. She was much better off beating the crap out of people. Much less scarring that way.

"So what happened?" Selina asked, her curiosity surfacing.

"Joker blew a gasket and punched Riddler, while he was naked might I add. Harley tried to get in between the two and, I don't know how so don't ask me, but everyone got kicked out of the Iceberg and Joker, Eddie and Harley had a threesome on the floor."

Each and every face of the girls was shocked and disgusted. Did that _really_ just happen?

"That's disgusting, Harley," Huntress finally said, breaking the silence.

"I'm never stepping foot into the Iceberg, ever," Catwoman remarked.

Harley just moaned into her pillow.

* * *

"Dude, that is nasty!" Nightwing yelled.

"Yeah I know. How could you do that?" Harvey asked, shuddering at the memory.

"Hey you guys can't judge okay! You don't know what it was like!" Joker said in defense.

"Yeah! So shut up about it," Riddler said, agreeing with Joker for once in his life.

"Isn't that kind of gay?" Robin asked.

"At least there wasn't any rubber nipples involved," Riddler remarked dryly.

The guys laughed and took a sip of their beers. Sometimes, superheroes and villains just needed to set their masks, grudges and batarangs aside to drink a few beers and just be guys.


End file.
